I’ve never met a 117 year old I didn’t like.

Oh and so many hookers.

But truly the best are the Euro trash types who show up on Sunday for a light brunch, a smidge of molly and a nice bit of an afternoon rave. (Back to work on Monday at the cheese factories.)

I’ve been to Cannes a handful of times for work. It’s a good time. One of my favorite diversions is watching various UAE royals and other oilish richsters perch themselves in the hotel lobbies. They reserve huge swaths of perfectly good dancing real estate and don’t dance, they open and display the most expensive…

Word!

In around 2007/8 I saw Paris Hilton blow more white powder than a zamboni.

In around 2007/8 I saw Paris Hilton blow more white powder than a zamboni.

I’m doing that in a few weeks. Can’t wait. (Not to write about. Just to do.)

You’re a good one.

I am pregnant right now. The day after I have my first ultrasound in a couple weeks with my legit doctor in Beverly Hills, I am planning to go to one of these centers in Los Angeles, my sole purpose being to fuck with the assholes who run them. I can’t wait.

To be clear, I have nothing against trucks or those who make tacos in them.

I went to one of these schools. My story involves a soccer coach handy with all balls, but mostly just my best friend’s. (A senior. Very sexually sophisticated.) They had a full-on relationship that everyone knew about; one which, to this day, my friend claims was healthy and fun. The coach looked like Jason Priestly…

This exchange between GPIARCN and smokey treat has restored my faith in humanity. Good for you guys for working that out! ;)

Go celebrate. You win the funny today.

You are awesome. You made me whole week.

My in-laws sweat overhead lighting. I don’t understand. It makes everyone look like they’re losing their hair. And it’s a cellulite enhancer. And it makes me trip balls.

Overhead lighting is basically a fuck you to migraine sufferers.

Because there are not many bright lights in the Royal Family and things are otherwise pretty dim.

Well done.

Just awesome.