Am very upset that Common’s place card appears to be creased.

Them? They’re engaged!

She also probably has a cousin who makes $8000 a week working at home

Mouthing “bang” while looking unimpressed is also how my son was conceived

i miss dating subtractions in newspapers

Now I’m confused because Europe uses the metric system; maybe I’m only a 6 in America, but it converts to a 10 overseas?

So many of these are about triangles. What am I doing wrong that I can’t meet one good person and hit it off with them? (Aside from being completely broke, out of shape, unemployed, having zero self-esteem, having no friends, never leaving the house because people make me uncomfortable, and generally being broken as a…

She’s DiLo-est.

I prefer to think of it more as Beyoncé covering Dolly Parton, who wrote it in 1973 and recorded it first.

When I was in middle school I would literally sprint home after school to ensure I could catch the last 20 minutes of the 7th Heaven reruns, solely because I hated them so much. I, at age 11, did this faithfully every day just to enjoy the pure rage and disgust I felt watching all the Camden’s smug, sanctimonious,…

This is less “eyebrow thread” and more errant Silly String cumshot.

It kind of sucks that of all characters, Noah was the one who didn’t have an arc.
(I’ll show myself out, thanks.)

I can provide some Brian Dust for a little bit cheaper

Amazing, you’ve performed the first step of Kundalini meditation successfully! Keep it up!

MAIL KIMP.

Fuuuuuck, I forgot to activate my cashews and the cashew activation place is closed on the weekend!

You guys she lost one of her avocado nipples. Everyone stop doing everything and help her find it.

You know what they say, one man’s junk is another man’s treasure.

Wow. We dudes are nothing if not persistent. Andy’s been dead thirty years and still managed to send a woman a dick pic.