After decades of sadness, it’s about time that something went right for a white guy at Duke.

Frankly, I have no idea how Kinja works. But, if there is any way to isolate everyone who stars this post I am banning all of you.

The best part about that is that all you have to do is ask them something like: what do you want for dinner? to get a response like that.

"I am pretty sure you meant to say the best workout program is crossfit"

I haven't seen this many upset Kentuckians since their state Board of Education ruled you couldn't buy your GED with possum skins

Just yours?

Spoonful of peanut butter and a bowl of chocolate milk powder mix to dip it in.

Oh god, those are just the best. Especially with garlic bread as the buns.

i made and ate a frozen red baron pizza covered in pepperoni, bacon, doritos jacked (tm) brand ranch dipped hot wing chips, two cans of PBR, a copy of Bethesda's Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim and sriracha sauce

I really don't feel like the added context helped me appreciate it any differently.

boogers, only dry crunchy ones though. Haven't told anyone about this for good reason...

"You're fine, Pussy!"

One word, if it's only metaphorical. Two words, if it's Delonte West.

Hey Captain! Open up! We've got to install these microwave ovens!

"Sauce, Castillo?" —Andy Reid, Eagles Thanksgiving Team Dinner, 1998-2011

They are stenographers. I am a stenographer, but I don't do closed captioning, I do court reporting in the courts. The reason you see an error like this is because they are stroking multiple keys at once at anywhere between 225-350 words per minute, and sports captioning is incredibly difficult because of the…

"...he turns to Frank Kaminsky and whisper's..." This incorrect apostrophe has ruined my morning.

Persoanlly I don't think a statement was neccesary. Just tell the cop his name

Cop"Ok, tell me what happened. Why did you hit him?"
Big Jim "His name is Hayes McGinley. He's a lacrosse player for Syracuse"
Cop "You're free to go..."

I've honestly never laughed at a Deadspin post more than this one. Bravo, folks.

#Blackchairsmatter