I’ve always wanted to do investigative work and obviously I want to work in sports, so we’ll see.

That’s a good point. Tom Brady is basically the same person as Barack Obama.

“As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a special teams coach.”

Nate Kaczor is an odd way to spell Ray Liotta.

Because he only cheats with his jersey on right?

I’m with Kroenke because the people he fucked hardest were people from St Louis, and fuck St Louis. 

How close was up close? 😂

Apparently this leaked trade request has raised an eyebrow in the commissioner’s office.

That’s just good hustle by Witten, no way that thing fits in a standard trash can in one piece.

I haven’t seen a trophy get messed up that badly since Donnie No-Wall unplugged Melania while she was still installing updates.

Rod Tidwell is still everyone’s favorite Cardinals receiver. 

The Round Mound of (creating) Rebound(s) (due to very poor shot-selection and an unwillingness to pass)

Fucking great. This will legitimize the MAGA lies that Chicago is full of black men who can’t stop shooting.

“Carmelo has stayed in tremendous shape throughout his career.”

Talk about bad off the field decisions...

Whoever wrote these should make like El Tree, and get out of here.

looking forward to the inaugural San FC Antonio season

Counterpoint: Nobody wants to hear a karaoke version of “Under Pressure”.

Jesus Christ, are you guys harvesting staffer parts for Drew in some sort of baroquely demented Thiel-esque body clinic? What the hell is even happening any more?

Saving my enthusiasm for the Fellate the Troops Bowl!