Eat shit, bible-thumper.

“Man, this floor is sticky” (shoe gets caught, dislocates knee, provides Deadspin an opportunity to write five more articles about some dogshit Eastern Conference team nobody cares about)

But I was told that Cleveland rocks...

And you’ve probably read back your own posts out loud, so...that’s saying a lot.

like human platters, if that makes sense.

I love Eli and McAdoo’s matching derp faces. “Where is my bowl of paste?” I was told I would get my bowl of paste in the second quarter!”

“OK, what’s with the five interceptions, you mammoth shit-stick?”

Makes sense. Big Ben is Grumpy, Jay Cutler is Sleepy and their offensive line coach is Sneezy.

Damn dude, I wish you felt this strong about exercising your right to vote.

Why would he need to be health to watch the playoffs on TV?

Donald Trump and Anthony Davis have very little to do with this IMO.

Leaving millions on the table? Sounds like coach was eager to leave town.

The best thing about BYU is leaving Provo and never going back.

Ditka’s response, coupled with Jerry Jones and the ‘Boys’, really encapsulates this entire controversy.

Sorry, wait: Ditka was one of your heroes?

Come on Mike, can’t you act more like some of the guys from your ‘85 Super Bowl team. Dave Duerson, preferably.

Kinja Deals has razors on there sometimes. Just saying.   

Are you people blind?

And I promise you that First Take is My Dinner With Andre compared to random fans arguing in a tailgate lot.

I mean, I don’t know how much clearer I can be about this (I also don’t know why people dance around making this point): If you support Donald Trump, you’re a bad person.