Are you kidding? That’s a serious upgrade! That horse is like, “Sure, fine, jack me off with a traffic cone and freeze my semen, pump me full of horse steroids, drug me until my flop sweat is a controlled substance, but I’m not going anywhere near that motherfucker.”

Who approved this new Rovell article image?

You’ve been misspellling “Philllies” your entire life?

It’s true what Lao Tzu said - the dumpster fire that burns twice as bright burns half as long.

oh, but ask them about their kids and they won’t shut the fuck up about him picking the apples for his own applesauce at his Montessori school.

How are you at lifting large, human-shaped Cheetos?

Not a fan of the Dodgers or the Lightning, but that exchange has me hoping those two crazy kids can work it out.

What I like about this post is that you’re successfully re-establishing your brand as one of the best Deadspin commenters to a whole new demographic of workshy masturbators.

“to help launch our brand into the market...”

Oscar Wilde: “The only worse than being talked about is not being talked about”

Seems like a player education issue on what he can and can’t do. I’m sure he can appeal any suspension to the Board of Ed. Hopefully they will provide him with a safe space to continue his antics.

After this kind of violation of trust, you really have to wonder how confident the Steelers’ could ever really be in whether or not he’s the kind of guy they want to run fast and catch the ball.

Yeah, toothpaste is also bad because it fucks with your natural tongue/tooth film that is there to protect your mouth.

3.9 GPA, does charity work, and had an offer from an Ivy League school but chose Uconn. I wouldn’t want someone with that kind of judgment hanging around my program either.

you would think someone would act as informer when it was at 12 inches of snow

Holy Shit!

I bet it’s the rapey one with the grey dick.

You know, I’ve looked and I’ve looked and I just can’t see anywhere in my comment where I said a single fucking thing about Hillary Clinton.

As the residents of Trumpistan are so fond of saying, she lost. Get over it. Focus on the short-fingered piss golem we’ve got to deal with now.

Jeez, enough about Trump! I’m tired of politics in my sports!