Here keeelled glint!

Are you saying you wouldn’t have known to buy a red gem and kneel at a dead end in the forest for ten long seconds to be swept away by a tornado unless some book told you? Because we are all in the same boat on that one.

I hope the White Sox bring him in, so I can throw peanuts at him every week and then push him forward every time he uses a urinal so he gets a little pee on his shorts and becomes so paranoid that he’s forced to use the stalls like the shy bladder folks.

This is such an original take on this film...

Where I live (IN MICHIGAN, I KNOW ALLLLLL THE FACTS), there’s a feral cat sanctuary behind the divey rock bar several blocks from my house. It’s not like a state sanctioned feral cat sanctuary because that would be insane, but there’s a slew of volunteers who make sure these cats have food, water and cat boxes to…

tl;dr

What the fuck dude? The toilet is right there. Just pee into the toilet. How the fuck do you get piss on your pants when you’re peeing sitting down? In your buttcrack? I don’t believe this for a second. Is your dick shaped like a giant U that points right back up your butt? No, no it is not.

pure fuckin swagger like no one else can bring

Alphabet of Manliness was/is funny as fuck, though. That picture of beef jerky gunning down a bunch of vegetables still makes me laugh every time I see it.

His Twitter feed reads like he’s butthurt real bad.

Favorite Cutler gif ever:

Baseball: a sport where a serious man gets upset at his opponent for not helping one of his own guys play better.

“Is that a tear, Pantera? Is daddy’s little girl upset? I’m gonna kick your ass into next Tuesday!”

“you treat your stepmother with respect Pantera” is still one of the funniest fuckin lines ever.

Best wedding advice I ever got -

*Sound Engineer who Didn’t bleep that speaking with HR*

1. “Songs about good looking ladies making food and being sad”
2. “Songs about getting drunk/high/fighting/being an outlaw”
3. A sharp, dry fart
4. “Are you ready for some footbaw?”

“Ever since I was a kid I always wanted to be a Jedi.”

So next year’s Tiger’s tax return will list at donation of “$10 million to Houston on Aug 31”. How convenient.