Wow, wow, wow. I did this to a guy I liked during an AP exam. At first I thought you might be the same dude and I was psyched to say "hi Gary" but then I realized it wasn't during the history test, it was biology. Or maybe it was the Regents test. And stuff definitely happened; I lost my virginity to him a week…

Ehh, I went to a rural Ohio high school that only offered a few AP tests and zero SAT II (which were not even called that back then) tests. We regularly sent people to Harvard and Yale. Also, "4.2" was not a possible GPA to achieve. I'm younger than you.

True story: when I took my AP History exam, a girl I totally had the hots for was sitting behind me. It was a hot late-May day, so I was wearing shorts and sneakers with no socks. Because I was a Very Serious Student, I was hunched over the test, with my legs tucked under the chair. About an hour into the test, I felt…

I know gastroparesis is serious so please realize I'm not making light of it or you - I have a weird sense of humor. Doesn't the giant green moth hovering over you when you sleep bother you?

In Florida (I know, Florida) condo law actually gives the HOA or Condo Association the power to levy fees and enforce them with foreclosure - but not in the same way a bank type foreclosure works. There are deed restrictions on the property that delineate this. In a condo or HOA fee issue, the property is foreclosed…

Like 5% of the American population takes prescription sleep meds with Ambien (zolpidem) being the most popular by far. About 50 million prescriptions filled annually, last I checked.

So ~1 in 20 adults are on Ambien. Or 1 in 3 ebay shoppers.

I also wear a full face of makeup most days, Bekaby, although I only started doing this when a friend introduced me to the wonderful world of MAC (awakening a very expensive habit). I think it's intimidating for a lot of women, and not everyone's good at doing their own makeup.

According to WebMD? Really? If I can't go to my doctors office with my WebMD concerns without getting a solid eye roll, these people can't use it as a defense can they?

I wear makeup every day (not schlubby at home days, obvs) and I did not previously believe myself to be unusual in that, and yet somehow this whole series has been populated by women who wear almost no makeup on the regular. I feel like I must be a unicorn. But since I had no idea that I was alone in makeup wearing,…

At my friend's wedding (I wasn't there, this was before I met her):

Um...maybe on Gawker, but in the real world a Republican Senator got caught on the rolls (rumored to be engaging in Baby play) at a DC Brothel and still has his job. Seriously, David Vitter basically shows that you can do whatever the hell you want as long as you hate the gays, women and the environment.

I come from a HUGE family, half of which still live in Oklahoma. Yeah, you know this is about you, You. There was a rift in the 50s over a bunch of money from some business endeavor and that story itself is insane, but it came up at my cousin's wedding when I was 15. She had specifically stated NO FLASKS on the…

There was serious potential for Marvin interference at my wedding. My step mother is a crazy, fox news loving, motor mouth who can't stand to be in the same room as my mom (or rather, my mom can't stand to be in the same room as her), who also has a propensity for spouting moderately racist comments. She has no…

Somewhere below "delightful canapés."

Not sure if this counts as throwing hands, but it certainly involved hands and was just flat out bizarre. We had our wedding at an historic beach hotel in New Hampshire. We had the main ballroom reserved for our reception and it was just lovely. We decided to do karaoke at the end of the night when everybody was…

I wish I could see all the rejected pitches from the fox news room for this story.

-Why are all these african americans out marching? Don't they have JOBS to go to and CHILDREN to raise?

-Sure, they'll march to commemorate the civil rights movement, but what about black-on-black crime? Why is no-one marching in Chicago…

Shirley said yesterday that the Facebook post was not about Kanye. From her FB yesterday:

We have an apocalypse shelf: books that we will take with us should society as we know it collapse. Edible and medicinal wild plants, machine design, Ashley's Book of Knots, et cetera.

When the shit goes down cash will be worthless pieces of paper, man.

right!