YOU LIVE HERE, TOO!

Pretty much any combinations of words coming out of the talking hole of a guy trying to get me to fuck him without a condom.

My husband's excuse for not putting away the dishes out of the dishwasher: "I don't know where they go."

Outside of New York City, adults generally write polite, cheerful emails to one another...

"dick fright"

I mean...go big or go home.

From the link:

I am done speaking to you. Everything I've told you that I've said has HAPPENED to me, you dismiss and say that it's not true. You yourself are the one who said ". I usually hear that Asians are fetishized to the point of it being creepy", but I guess it's totally ok to be fetishized. I'm sorry that some mean…

My first husband wasn't very bright. It's never a good idea to cheat on a wife that works for a government agency known for its expertise in spying. Third generation in the same line of work to boot.

I was seeing one of my longtime best guy friends (whom I'd kissed a couple times over the course of our friendship, but had just started, like, being with in any more significant capacity). He told me that he loved me quickly. The whole thing was very intense. I'd been hearing rumors from mutual friends that he was…

This is a story of how one of the worst days of my life ended up reaffirming my faith in strangers and in the human race in general.

I am not otherwise OCD but when I buy Froot Loops (not very often) I have to make sure I have one and only one of each color/flavor on every spoonful. I will go to great lengths to make this happen. Also, I feel like it's cheating if I use any method to get the colors/flavors on my spoon besides just my spoon. It's a…

I'm recently divorced and living alone for the first time ever. It's AMAZING. My ex husband was super critical and I am experiencing freedom like I've never known.

So, they basically just outlined the plot of Stephen King's The Stand. #m-o-o-nspellszombieoutbreak

God might be imaginary but religion is real, as sure as you are embarrassing to Atheism. Go mow the lawn.

Gosh, you are edgy. And by edgy, I mean you're an asshole.

Hey, guys! Check out the super special atheist snowflake! They're so edgy and "real" what with their disregard for the feelings of others . Good thing they don't have some imaginary sky god telling them not to be an asshole! Now they get to be an asshole ALL THE TIME! They're not just trying to make their Catholic mom…

Berners are the sweetest, goofiest dogs ever. I don't know if all of them are as dumb as mine but he has a heart of gold!

So right after a shitty break up this summer I hit up an old booty call from OKCupid. He was really cool, but the sex. Oh god.