These little punks can fuck right off with their imaginary nonsense.

Yep. I’m not a huge Jim Carrey fan of late (mostly due to his anti-vax nonsense), but now that I know his accuser is a Scientologist, I’m leaning more toward believing Carrey.

Overly Knowledgeable Neighbor: “DiedofEnnui? Great neighbor. Never turns up the TV too loud. Doesn’t let the paper pile up out front. I can’t say much about where DiedofEnnui is right now. I only have GPS coordinates & a recent update on Snapchat. Sorry I couldn’t be more help.”

Not to downplay this, but it’s pretty weak tea from ISIS considering their usual attacks, no?

BTW, the Fraternal Order of Police endorsed Trump today.

It’s very Bertram Wooster.

Can I get some penny candy and a bolt of gingham?

Thanks. On certain Saturdays, I like pretending that I run a General Store in the ‘40s.

I love awful roommate stories. Please share!

Nonsense.

All this scariness just reminded me that it’s almost October and that means the Jezebel scary stories!! My favorite time of the year.

When my wife went through 40 hours of labor, I was glad that she finally knew what it felt like when I got a cold.

Seriously, like dudes never call in sick when hungover or to go to a sporting event. Nope, never happens. Dudes only call in sick when their polio acts up.

No, he’s going to veto a bill that would open up the US to all kinds of foreign lawsuits.

His “allowance” should be a tent and a box of chicken noodle soup.

I fucking hate “Wuthering Heights”. :/

I’m already eagerly anticipating the honest trailer.

OMIGAWD THEY FOUND THE TERRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOR!!!!

My casino-slash-museum needs tchotchkes.

a more prescient shipwright would have christened her HMS Error.