I’ll be seeing it in my scary nighttime head movies.

How does this take even exist?

Of course! But you won't get that from Deadspin. Tom Izzo is evil.

The early favorite to land this recruit was Deadspin darling Michigan State...how much were they willing to pay Bowen? I think it was reported on elsewhere but didn't see it in this post.

I’m just working on this script. I liked the coke being a reason for a fight with DJ, but if he’s at risk of an exploding heart, that’s starting to sound like Crank 4. Oliver Stone wouldn’t be interested, but an action-packed golf film with Ian Poulter as the antagonist is sounding good. I want to see Tim Roth reading…

Right. They also “scrapped". Koepka can't be on coke, too?

That was Adam Slurrer. Adam Sasser was at the game shouting “I've seen better throws at Pottery Barn", and the like.

Exploded eyeball, huh? The director of the Ryder Cup is "Edward Kitson". I'm not sure why Oliver Stone chose that pseudonym, but I'm sure Koepka's coke-fueled descent into madness, as portrayed by Miles Teller, was fascinating but ultimately not Oscar worthy. 

“There goes my hero! He's ordinary!"

Letting a coach's wife get tattooed for free is not the NCAA’s business, apparently.

Make Asiago Grate Again

They should make him do 8 hours of tumbling before they kick his ass.

“Let’s call my buddy (low-charisma college friend with a nickname) and have him parrot my exact thoughts on the cloud".

It was wrong to call him figurative cancer because people have literal cancer?

My Mike Judge go-to would have been Idiocracy. But it works either way.

Gone are his days of hanging out in pubs saying "I am a bit of a celebrity" grabbing a happy hour menu and covering the top half of his head. "Now what do you think about that, Love"?

You’re entitled to your opinion, even if it is a very minority opinion.

He played guard. You understand the difference there, right?

“Come at me”?

Shitty social behavior from a bunch of fucking nerds? Wha?