I’m quite certain this wasn’t the first time an inactive Johnson caused Matthew Berry some embarrassment.

“I’m going to look hard in the next couple of days but we’ve got the guys in the locker room to get it fixed.” - Carson Wentz, consulting with trainers after falling for the “Cialis in the water bottle” trick once again. 

“You were the guy that I always wanted on the mound.” 

I was pleasantly surprised by this video. I has assumed that something entitled Antiques Shitshow was referring to the episode of “The Golden Girls” where Blanche got “the trots”.

“A hornet that don’t sting ain’t no hornet at all!”- Larry Johnson, supporting Muggsy Bogues decision to undergo penile enlargement surgery.

“Whether or not to have a child is a complicated and morally questionable decision that each person must weigh carefully.” - Kelsey McKinney

“I thought that was a high school thing.”

“Lord Stanley deserves better.” 

“This kid is doing the Lord’s work!” - Craig Carton

In other news, the Miami Dolphins have asked for Alabama’s permission to hire Croll as their new General Manager.

“What is Chlamydia?”

The Dolphins Smashed Their Own Dicks To A Pulp, And Then Smashed Them Some More

“I’m not much of a hugger, but they kind of just surround me. So I just have to take it.” 

“I don’t even know what I did. I’ve got to go watch the video.“ - Hulk Hogan

Portable Toilet Distracted By What’s Coming Out Of Golfers Fiancé

Tyrrell’s gonna need some Purell!

“So you see Lisa, even God himself endorses Whacking Day.”

“Whiskey pillows!”

“TBS had a whole lowlights package ready after he socked the huge dinger.”

And he left, to boos.