I’M SORRY JOE

So Martha Stewart time? Poor Aunt Becky. Why aren’t the children getting in trouble. They are adults as well, right?

This is solid street cred for upcoming roles. She’ll be the female Danny Trejo.

Maybe it’s only 14 days...but jail time is HARD TIME. Changes a person. When she gets out...well...let’s just say you’d be wise to steer clear of her at the Whole Foods.

Hey man, when we can’t dunk on Cricket stans, the imperialists have won.

I know what you said are technically names and words, but just a heads up, none of it makes sense. 

Gravity finally gets its sweet revenge on Newton. 

He’s got the yips, and when a quarterback has the yips, there is only one thing left to do.

Just for starters, he always looks like he got dressed in the dark.

Jacksonville is a swamp with houses, not a city

Jacksonville has more residents than Detroit.

Detroit, because they are probably the largest city without a professional football team.

You mean he’s not a pillar of the headhunting coaches community?

Enjoy hell.

Yet another way Star Wars ruined me: I always thought bounty hunters were supposed to be cool.

Turning into salt? That’s asking a Lot.

If they're gonna burn a sacrifice, may I suggest they use Kobe?

When did Luc Longley stop looking like a 6th grade bully and start looking like a professor who got tenure at a community college?

Miami is one of the best cities on earth, the way Adrian Peterson has a “#1 Dad” mug.  

Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m certain you haven’t always been a very stupid man. Surely at some point you were a very stupid boy.