Sometimes the universe actually does spit out an outcome that isn’t the worst one possible. 

I rooted for this team for almost 30 years; I jumped on the bandwagon after Super Bowl XXII because of Doug Williams. I rode with them during the Richie Petitbon era, the Gus Frerotte headbutt, the 52-7 shellacking by the Patriots, the Norv Turner experiment, and all of the headaches it entailed. In 2016, I’d finally…

Jim Tomsula is the only man that truly knows the answer to this question.

Skins “fan” here. I hope they go 0-for-whatever until the day Daniel Snyder dies.

Ain’t no Cousins apologizing for butt stuff down here.

This motherfucker is the football equivalent of Napoleon or Subutai; his strategic acumen is brilliant. He’s parlayed his negligible talent into fabulous riches by exploiting two of the stupidest franchises in the sport, and see now how naturally he outmaneuvers his own teammate and manages to gather widespread public …

Now apologize to Drew for being so butt when he can’t drink to numb the pain

Khalil Mack was also an unannounced guest when he came in to sack Cousins on air because there was no one who bothered to stop him.

So, yeah, cocks and commercial grade sucking machines do not mix.

Words to live by right there.

Jesus fuck I was not prepared. I thought I was.. but I was not.

Or “Dude-a-rino” if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.

Holy fucking trigger warning batman. 

Yeah, do not put your dick in an industrial vacuum. I am an emergency room nurse in Toronto who, after 12 years, has seen all manner of manhood mutilation. Twice (TWICE!!) I have treated guys who had decided that big ol’ machines were the correct venues to procure orgasm. One of them got off (heh) with bruising and…

Yes

This Guy Fawkes used to jerk.

Endorsements help educate consumers, and sham endorsements short circuit that process. For example, I was once a State Farm customer, because family is important to me and it came through how important family was to the Paul twins (Chris and Cliff). But I switched to Nationwide because I value creativity, and the…

It’s been a while since he rapped at us.

The question is missing “chief”, but I usually just say “sir” (or “ser” if you have no pages).