It definitely still applies.

When I was in college, I had to take two PE electives. I took ice skating for one of them. The instructor was a small woman, maybe 5'2" in skates, but her thighs were bigger than my waist. She saw that a lot of us had hockey skates, and she told us about how one of her gigs was as a skating instructor for NHL teams.…

Ok, here we go (rubs hands furiously):

For some, shyness might be their Mike McCarthy. For others, a lack of education.

It can always get worse.  I don’t care what you are talking about, it can always get worse.

Of Ronaldo? No, not really a fan, I just like to be a contrarian when it comes to Billy shitting on anything and everything that isn’t Messi.

I’m going with the theory that Drew thinks we’re both fantastic and has been protecting us from someone’s petty, thin-skinned beef against us, and that person took advantage of his absence to re-grey us.

You’re not discussing this honestly, you’re trolling. Reframe this into a proper question, without taking things to the absurd, and working into your construct a mention of the time-honoured concept of progressive taxation and how that affects your dad’s plumbing company versus a multi-billion dollar outfit, and then…

Wait a minute. Are we not friends?

Well one thing is certain. Inherited wealth is clearly a very good thing and only ever leads to talented people making important and good decisions. 

Throwing a franchise quarterback who won you a Super Bowl into the dustbin is no small thing

Getting free appetizers before being asked to leave a restaurant because the staff hates your policies is as bad as being beaten to death for holding a man’s hand. There are very fine people, on both sides.

But they are occasionally yelled at! The horror.

It’s the central grift of the so-called Intellectual Dark Web. That they’re telling secret truths revealed by hard reasoning, rather than telling you what you want to hear and asking for money.

No, but you see if you label your argument as “reason” and your opponent’s argument as “emotion” that automatically makes you correct. Have you never been on the internet?

Actual honesty and, you know, taking responsibility for the things you say. You are not long for this world, my friend

The Federalists’ entire shtick is getting members of the Leopards Eating Faces party who haven’t had their faces eaten yet write articles about how their faces are never going to be eaten.

And then I realize I’m totally wrong - in order for the joke to work as a mistake, it would’ve had to be “Gay-Trump-supporting” ... I am wrong, and will leave this here as a testament to my idiocy.

This is why I personally favor misanthropy. No nuance or hair-splitting required. 

Except that humans literally cannot multitask. People who claim to be good multitaskers are the worst employees, for example. Multitaskers should really be called incapable of focusing on and finishing a task.