My dad had a gig as a golf course groundskeeper for a summer after he retired. Wake up, ride the motorcycle to work, ride a lawnmower all morning, eat lunch, play nine holes, go home and take a nap.

My dad’s got shit figured out.

The toppings are also cursed.

That’s how I feel about the NBA coverage on here. I read it all, happily, but I think the last basketball game I watched was when LeBron came back to Cleveland as a member of the Heat. I was sure someone would bounce a D-Cell battery off of his receding hairline.

I’m 6'6" and it sucks. Can you walk into a store and buy trousers or shoes? I can’t.

They’ll do that as soon as Bills games show the 7-11 and community college that are actually near the stadium instead of Niagara Falls and some sweaty guy tossing wings in a bowl.

That’s the genius of Belicheck, and it’s so frustrating that “I don’t know, maybe ask my players to only do the stuff they’re really good at?” is some kind of galaxy-brained innovation in this suckhole league.

qb who’s basically the same as the one they ran out of town

No one’s porching anyone, Russ.

“Fine, Tom, but after the undefeated season I get to replace everyone with 5'9" white guys from Rutgers and The Citadel and see if we make the playoffs.”

The problem is that they lack anything resembling creativity, and so what you get is dudes saying THE FOOTBALL and THE RUNNING BACK POSITION.

Counter-counterpoint: Miami Hurricanes

Gosh, it would be terrible if the Dolphins get stuck in a tar pit of losing and can’t regain the glory of the Cleo Lemon days.

I’ve never seen the Bills on the winning end of a comeback. What do I do?

WHOA WHOA WHOA nobody called anyone a JT

Totally starting a cover band named Syphilback.

Where do you live that there aren’t any Cubs fans?

Trent Edwards, keep your phone charged.

“Well actually Philip Rivers is better than Big Ben and Eli and would have won a Super Bowl under other circumstances”

*AHEM* I believe you’re forgetting another legendary quarterback from the first round of 2004.

Please tell me those hapless fucks had to punt on third down, as is the local custom.

“My parents beat me and I turned out fine,” says idiot who is so damaged he thinks beating a child is okay.