When Derek Anderson retired I checked on eBay for his Pro Bowl jersey to see if I could get one for my Collection Of The Damned. It autocorrected to Derek Carr.

And that’s all you need to know about Derek Anderson.

I think you mean “fuck Doug Whaley”. Three first round picks for a quarterback who can’t throw and a receiver with glass feet.

I don’t think that tubby fucker has ever had trouble finding the plate.

Ashtabula would like a word.

Dirk Koetter looks like Rand Paul’s stunt double.

Good summary of the JP years right there.

Tom Brady would like a word.

My favorite thing about Mercury Morris and his endless shit-talking is that the legendary undefeated Miami team would get stomped into the dirt by a modern mid-tier D3 team.

Now’s your chance, Indiana University of Pennsylvania!

I had a guy walk into the bathroom at work the other day, stand at the urinal next to me, and not only continue his conversation on the Bluetooth but drink from a takeout coffee cup with his nondick hand. 

Fucking Hadron Collider.

Next up: Buffalo Bills.

Look out, Amsterdam Admirals!

Arizona State considers itself elite

I only listened to the first couple questions on my drive in this morning, but the “french fries are a bad ballpark food” take is fucking ridiculous and completely ignores the superiority of poutine over a basket of fries with Heinz ketchup farted into the corner.

The middle of the three Bonk games?

That’s a really strange decision. It’s like only including Super Mario 2 on the NES version.

The middle of the three Bonk games?

That’s a really strange decision. It’s like only including Super Mario 2 on the…

I could see an ultra-rich prick like David Tepper making the deal strictly for the picks and then firing Gruden the Elder immediately, writing his contract off as a sunk cost.

Alexa, what the fuck is a David Tepper?

Ninety percent of Bills fans over fifty still want Flutie to come back and be the starting quarterback.

A driver I was riding right next to hit me when she saw a parking spot at the last minute and hit me when she started pulling because she didn’t look.

You think Eli going into the Hall of Fame is going to suck, wait until he decides to retire and become the Senator from the great state of Mississippi for the next four decades.

If you hit trails of any significance on a $149 Mongoose you’re gonna die.

If you hit trails of any significance on a $149 Mongoose you’re gonna die.