I don’t think I knew the name Matt Gaetz before today

“I feel 100 percent comfortable appraising him as “pathetic.””

Honestly, even if Iowa was a perfect match for the country demographically and their caucuses weren’t a system that seemed tailor made to discourage voter participation, they still shouldn’t be given the privilege of permanent First. No single state should have that right. That Iowans (and folks from New Hampshire!)…

Not once have the autoplaying trailers convinced me to watch something. Whenever I’m in the Netflix menu and I leave my room, I mute my TV to avoid hearing a trailer play over and over again from wherever else I’m at in my home. Looks like the feature is already live as of today!

Shad White ... Nancy New ... Zach New? Sorry but those names surely sound suspect ... like my 7th grader trying to write some kinda Spy Kid fiction. And “Shad” is short for what name or was that his given name? Like he’s got a brother Cod and the come from a long line of fishermen? 

Was this in Riverside? Because I had the exact same experience when I attended Arlington out there in ‘00. The mornings were terrifying as the birds started making their opening salvos of shit on the unsuspecting students, followed by a lot of dive bombing to steal breakfast snacks out of student hands!

♪ Name me anyone who cares as much as Betsy de VOS! ♪

I wish a fellow legislator would add to this bill, requiring foster care training and certification for all fertility clinic employees. It will easily illustrate how dumb this is.

I love hearing about the songs artists totally regret making.

We’re they wearing matching black sweats and sneakers?

They flew there, of course. Hell, in the spring, sea gulls fly to the Great Salt Lake to scoop up the brine shrimp when they hatch.

I find it funny now, if that helps.

“I wish I had never recorded ‘Anaconda.’ I like the video, but uhhh.… My first ever solo song on Billboard was ‘Your Love.’ To this day, I hate that. I like the video, but I hate the song. I can go on and on. I hate ‘Starships.’ I mean, like, ewww — ‘starships were meant to fly’? I was like, why did I do that?”

In high school, my HS was not that close to the beach...maybe a 45 minute drive in Southern California? But we had a gang of seagulls who would bomb us during lunch every day. Looking for food, high altitude pooping, it was the worst.

And as everyone knows, Doria was cursed by an ancient beach witch when she was only 13 and cannot ever leave the city or she’ll crumble into sand.

“No parent should be forced to send their child to a failing government school.”

One failed abortion, that's how we got him.

Now I’m imagining a cop with tiny handcuffs in the delivery room, ready to haul that attempted murderer to jail.

“women who have pregnancies which are not viable and potentially fatal.”

I work for a doctor who consulted on this film. Other than the obviously fictional virus, the thing that everyone got a good laugh about is how quickly the science moved. It had to be that way for the movie but they chuckled anyways. What scares me right now about the current virus, is how paranoid people are getting…