martha plimpton is a saucy woman of leisure who secretly robs banks in her spare time! and everything goes fine until, in a hilarious mix-up, she and idris elba both try to rob the same bank at the same time! the very highest of jinks ensue, ending with them both living out their days in comfort on a beach in…

are you suggesting that we should... steer clear?

i give it 3-5 years til he’s on his apology tour, saving up all his sexual assaults for probably sex tourism trips or people outside the film industry (hotel maids, or similar), and everyone pretends ‘he’s a changed man’ even though he never actually apologized or atoned in any real way, and he’ll be back working on…

MEL FUCKING GIBSON still has work in this industry. MEL GIBSON. where is the lie? a fucko with this kind of money and these kind of connections? he’ll be back in half the time.

well, the manufacturing industry-
a wizard did it

Yes: somebody has been hired to see that a brothel is worthy of O.J. Simpson.

HESTON: “it’s made of breastmilk... breastmilk!!”

no, i think you misread that - he’s going to spend more time being an antique

it is fantastic... it’s just, my inner flamboyant queen wants to know where his belt is, or pocket square, or tie clip, or really any kind of accessory

FADE IN on a lavishly-appointed sitting room. Dark wood, heavy drapes, and the stink of wealth. TWO WRINKLED OLD WHITE MEN in expensive suits sit on overstuffed leather furniture at a coffee table.

aw, don’t be unkind, you know

a human shield, or a makeshift club? chris isn’t tiny, but if dwayne wanted to beat senator elizondo mountain dew herbert camacho with a blunt instrument, chris is right there

literally a neutral-figured plastic fake woman in frankly reasonably modest clothes but that’s still too much

and if you do love it, what the everloving fuck are you doing here??

look, no one should have their life torn apart because of an unwanted pregnancy that they never intended or expected to have happen. to risk losing your job, the respect of your friends and family maybe, a huge chunk of your money-

i learned that watching ‘lost girl’, in which a pansexual succubus’s russian hacker girl sidekick will tell you all about baba yaga.

if only some good samaritan had choked the life out of this waste of sperm when his crimes came to light... alas.

you guys i made my best decision in a while:

but when are you getting a theme song???