just going to leave this here:

are you accepting applications for your harem? i can bring my own thong.

p. sure it’s you, bobby. you’re the extortionist.

still, for my money, i’d rather that than have them take anything pneumatic that close to my twig &/or berries

having clicked through to the before picture (pro tip: don’t), i doubt if that would help. most likely he inserted himself while flaccid, and then once erect, the hole was so small that no blood at all could get back out; however, from the look of the thing, blood was continuing to flow in. you would have had to open…

tattoo question

logistically, i just wonder, wouldn’t it be easier to drain the blood out of his wang than to go in with a jackhammer?

mate selection seems like the best explanation to me, but then you run into the question of why there isn’t more pronounced sexual dimorphism, i.e. why both sexes have long necks. but we know that males do use their necks to fight with each other over mates, so it’s likely that’s a factor.

fair - i just feel like he would get a kick out of it, is all

if you don’t immediately tweet that at john stamos i will be cross

honestly i voted for the babadook but it babalost. out of the remaining contenders, it really has to be baba yaga. what other remaining contender is half as satisfying as baba yaga?

it’s off by literally five votes

electron micrographs are really hard to draw, though

“no dummy. no dummy! you’re the dummy!”

steven king’s would be cobbled together out of duct-taped dismembered and badly defaced pieces of my-size barbies.

our venal orange rapist-in-chief wanted to tear down DACA because a) saying that really got the people screaming during his campaign hoedowns, and b) obama proposed it. then someone managed to draw up a restaurant-placemat-kids-menu-style explanation that a lot of people really want it and it could be poisonous to his…

it’s like a full transformation versus a sort of synthesis. are you doing a full face or just a few details? are you going to contour yourself angular and metallic, or just do opaque bright red shadow on one eye only?

i mean but realistically, these sad bros are going to put these shits into their yuppie buildings, enjoy being freed of one more interaction with a brown person (how soon can we replace them all with robots?? /s) and then the rest of the city that’s not bourgeouis turds with ivy league educations and no real value to…

there’s a whole new season of bojack horseman just out. if you want a show that is hilarious when appropriate and also grapples with real and serious emotions, bojack is exactly that. although, with a talking cartoon horse person voiced by will arnett instead of issa rae. (not like a centaur - the other way around,…

i kind of wish i hadn’t quit taking tapdancing classes that young. it turns out i am exactly that gay. (although i quit because i didn’t want to perform in front of strangers, which, fair, 5-year-old-me.)