i mean, as a whisky enthusiast, i wouldn’t necessarily react facially unless it was a particularly potent batch - i know what i’m getting into and that’s honestly part of the point

like, this cat could be a doorstop at one of those nuclear silo control rooms they keep getting called out for leaving propped open so the domino’s guy can get in

growing up we had three, and one of them just had no self-control. she’d eat any amount of food you put where she could get at it. the other two managed their own weight fine, but she was just gluttonous, and of course, we had to feed the other two somehow. there was no way ruth was going to eat the diet cat food if…

it’s very difficult to get cats to exercise - like, seriously, can you imagine? - so a 50% increase in body mass gets to be kind of hard to shake

email tips@jezebel.com about it. they’re interested in the topic, clearly, and they might actually want to cover this angle of it.

the spores she emits when frightened can be really hard to get rid of, and obvs she’s frightened of rational thought, so

it probbo helps that if either of them stops to think about divorce, xenu floats up from his volcano to remind them of all the really exciting confessions they’ve made, on camera, during audits and that his extraterrestrial excellency would really prefer if they stayed together

i mean has he actually, like, apologized? for being an entitled, whiny piece of shit?

full version:

LOOPERS 2! replace jgl / bruce willis with harry styles / kevin bacon. i could 100% see that working.

Is this good news? Bad news? Is this the worst news you’ve ever heard?

also delighted they used the correct, amazing tina turner version of that song

melisandre said she’d forward all those emails but for some reason she kept getting these weird ‘bounceback’ emails when she did?

personally i think it’s entirely missing the point to characterize this as a personal effort directed at thumbing their collective noses at obama. they’ll present it that way because it appeases their slavering racist base, but it’s the same thing republicans have wanted for the last thirty years, at least - less…

100% expect attack ads misgendering/deadnaming her, digs about any surgeries she’s had, any pics they can dig up of her pre-transition... it’s gonna get ugly. this is not someone with restraint, or taste, or compassion that she’s up against.

for fairness’s sake, though, shouldn’t we consider the possibility that she’s tripping, puking, sneezing in people’s faces, and accidentally being rude to very small dogs on a daily basis? and we only hear about it when she has a movie coming out soon

we’re pretty close to being done with this whole thing, honestly

aha, that’s what i was coming down here to complain about

Do Cool Sh*t: Quit Your Day Job, Start Your Own Business, and Live Happily Ever After