shade queen 👑

thank you for the timeless shade that is megan kelly

right?? i mean i already had a large coffee on the way in and now i want more, even though the coffee they have at the office here is terrible

the only thing that came to my mind was starfish & coffee, in which coffee features, but as sort of an incidental bit of set dressing

still just as true as the day it was first writ

i’m sure there’s significant overlap, but sad to report that venn diagram is not quite a circle. the most racist people i’ve ever met have been white gay men. and i mean, look at that self-centered narcissist caitlyn jenner.

calling it now: he’s not going to have anything interesting to say about anyone’s crimes but his own, and this way he hopes to evade prosecution

if i had that gorgeous yellow skirt with black stripes, i wouldn’t want to dirty it either

legion, julianne! it is really good

’course i fucked her. first the appetizer, then the salad course, then a little fingering, then soup, then pasta, then anal, and finally the main course and dessert. that’s right, isn’t it? oh gosh, have i done a faux pas?

i’ve been to two friends’ weddings in the last few years and in neither case did they indicate a desire for gifts. aimée, i think you’re getting your wish. if i waste people’s time and energy with a wedding, i will explicitly forbid gifts.

literally not two hours ago i was wondering why nobody cares what your favorite dinosaur is anymore

i mean

it’s hilarious to me that after eight years of stoking the fires of hatred toward our secret gay kenyan muslim president and his transgender husband-wife, now the short-fingered vulgarian gets to see how little control the white house has over public perception of its actions, plans, proposals....

those were dark times...

oh my god, bobby

i’m predicting a face-off between ‘getting a raise’ and ‘making friends by saying hi’

next time that happens, send her a gift-wrapped copy of ‘sea change’ by beck. that’s my only-album-i-listen-to-on-a-glum-day album.

christians tend to go ham with their nicknames for the guy so you have a lot of options - like, ‘if he looked like kim jong’ level options:

he lost colorado because most of us can read