Brace yourself, the hits are going to keep coming.

Stickers give five hit points each? Man, maybe I can survive that dungeon now!

So you decorated your car with Dino Truck decals then.

Sentimental value isn’t worth shit, sorry.

Yeah, but, who has full coverage on a 1991 HONDA ACCORD?

Yea but it’s cooler to add on your Facebook bio ‘Vigilante car thief hunter’  

Easy, that’s what you give a person who’s been poisoned!

Right? But he won’t because he has 1st class healthcare that he has voted other Americans do not deserve.

I hope he isn’t going to use his small tax break to hire a PI and then murder me

WELCOME TO DEADSPIN

But you will race to comment to pearl clutch at said joke, so...

Settle down, Mrs. Moore.

Honestly this is pretty benign as far as internet comments go. I could see a late night talk show doing this in the monologue. Are you new to Deadspin?

As of right now, the best metric we have to judge what the audience thinks (stars) has OP trouncing GlassMagary 466-9, and he is responding to almost every comment made in his direction. Virtue-shame trolling is the new black.

I never want to be so uptight and full of delusions of grandeur that I actually convince myself that making fun of the criminal is the same thing as making fun of the crime.

At the very least, you’re starving enough for internet attention that you’re racing to be the first to demonstrate outrage at others’ willingness to make molestation jokes.

I’m willing to bet that she weighs the same as a duck

...Sure? Don’t know if they’d welcome your feelings seeing as most of them were pretty awesome and thus wouldn’t probably see the need to make smug comments about someone’s language in a football discussion thread.