Why is the car made out of lead? Why not iron, aluminum, plastic, and other materials?

It’s more fun to go off the side of the boat and then run and tell your friends to “come look, there’s a fish!” and then they run over and they look at your poo.

“Lamar Jackson is just too short to play QB in the NFL. He can’t even outplay his brother Willis, and he’s always getting pushed around by The Gooch.”

A year from now you probably won’t be able to name any of the medalists in the men’s or women’s event, but there’s a small chance you might remember her name (Probably not, but I’d bet higher chance than knowing any of the legit competitors).

I like to think they’re called Bogataj grooves, since they were probably introduced around the time that poor guy ate it off the side.

i sure think its a keeper, you size queen you.

Playing. Jesus. I have heard heads make sounds heads should never, ever make. I have seen ears and noses relocated. And, I fortunately came to the realization that some high school heroes evolve into huge assholes when they’re playing a sport (allegedly) for fun as an adult and don’t care if they really fuck up…

And how do they know which is which?

Geez guys what happened to “Hey Jack, you’re on speakerphone.”

Now we know at least one person who wasn’t cut out of Craig Sager’s will.

Would be interesting if every time a user targets a city that the city gets a notification that You Got Nuked!

“If you say anything, you’ll beg me to die, cuz I make you suck my dick, then nut in your eye” This is clear plagiarism of the great Urban Philosopher, Krazee Eyez Killah!

I’d tell the officer’s wife to sleep with one eye open, but that doesn’t seem like the best advice in this case.

This is huge. We tried to game the system when we discovered our beloved dog (then a puppy of 6 months) had a severe heart defect. We wanted to give him the best life possible and to ease our own own suffering, we decided a second dog was in order. Joke was on us: a year in our mutt who should have been healthy as a…

Come on coach, there’s like an 11 year old kid right behind you.

Who still pays for porn in 2018?

This idea is like anal sex, I had no idea I wanted it until you said I couldn’t have it.

At least they’ll have left their mark after they’re gone.

I have a bunch of tattoos and I 100000000% regret EVER getting my neck tattooed.

At least his wipers won’t stick to the windshield. #silverlining