50 Shades of Green >>>>> 50 Shades of Grey

Yeah, this is how I felt about that woman who did the tweets about being a ~conservative woman~ and defending conservative dudes for so many years and I’m like...why were you doing that. Why is this the thing that pushed you overboard.

something about dolphins being bad at going from water to land

Why are “Main” and “Home” different? Why are they at the bottom of the list when they should probably be at the top? Everything about him is ~the wooooorst~

No, thanks - look at the shape of his head! I bet he squirted out of the womb so fast the doctor couldn’t catch him.

So which baby has been the boon, and which has been useless until maybe next month?

Let’s make sure the children think professional athletes are fat and bad so we can develop their eating disorders as early as possible and turn them into consumers for our weight loss brand!

Whenever any says, “What time is it?” I mentally respond with, “It’s NBA playoff time on TNT!”

JESUS CHRIST

Shouldn’t such a ~great businessman~ have former employees that are a little more gruntled than this? If all the people he’s worked with think he’s gross and terrible, maybe let’s take them seriously.

I am 99.9% sure he doesn’t know his 10 year old son’s name.

I mean, no, I didn’t think of terrorism. Aren’t all our public transportation systems in, you know, a terrible state of disrepair? Because some people think paying taxes is bad?

WHY IS ITS FACE BLURRED OUT THO

If that doll had an Arabic name it never would have gotten through the TSA line.

For the 800 billionth time, it’s not consensual because a child 13 years of age or younger cannot consent to sex.

The blond lady was the waitress in The Avengers and she was in an episode of Dollhouse where she was implanted with Eliza Dushku’s personality and she was way better at being Eliza Dushku than Eliza Dushku is, blond lady should definitely be more popular than she is because she’s great.

I shouted joyously in the last episode of Parenthood when [THE THING HAPPENED WITH THE PERSON]. What a terrible family!

Why the fuck does he look like the Boromir of Michigan?!

I want to send him an email saying, “I didn’t want to miss work for maternity leave, or to take Junior to the hospital after it became a kid. So I got an abortion instead. Thanks, Mister Gay!”

She actually isn’t from Missouri. I know someone in her family and I’ve met her.