IF I DON’T WEAR SUNSCREEN OR GET VACCINATED I CAN LIVE FOREVER

My boss said not to get engaged because you’ll waste all your time planning your wedding, but once you get married you should have a kid because that is a good impetus to get your shit published, graduate, and get a job that pays a living wage.

Cars shouldn’t have to pass runners - no person should be stupid enough to run with traffic rather than against it.

I worked for a 60 year old conservative dude who always had contact solution, chapstick, gum, mints, advil, tylenol, aspirin, band-aids, and tampons in his truck. I had to borrow that truck one time because I had a flat tire and a pap smear appointment. He was cool with it and all the other dudes should be too!

Amy Schumer, Melissa McCarthy, Ashley Graham, Adele, Lena Dunham, Christina Hendricks...good to know that even when they included larger sizes they stuck with all whiteys.

A meta analysis found a doubled risk of autism with paternal age > 50, which De Niro was when his son was born. I’d love to have a conversation with him about *that*

You can tell it was a student, rather than a teacher, that attacked your daughter because a teacher wouldn’t have gone after a girl with parents who will advocate for her like this.

I’m not holding my breath.

I mean this as in “clearly there were more than the 14 that were reported,” not “these 14 are made up.”

There was a rise in REPORTED sexual assaults. Let’s not kid ourselves and say that since we know about these 14 reported rapes, there were 14 rapes.

That was my favorite line from his obit.

I bet he felt really crappie after that.

“Well his friends and family don’t think he did it and the victims were poor black whores and you can’t be believing them.”

No, you have multiple friends who have been raped. They just don’t want to tell you about it because they know you’ll blame them.

Gee, I bet a 135-pound woman who is a foot shorter than you could breathe easily with your Adonis-like frame atop her tiny body.

Jesus?

I have a Mirena and the insertion was *very* painful. The resulting cramps from insertion were horrendous for a few days and the ones that show up during my period are far worse than what they used to be. I would hate to see a 13-year-old kid going through that - obviously it’s not as bad as pregnancy and birth but…

I think it should be used in the other direction. "This fetus is in my uterus and I want it out and it won't go, so I'm going to stand my ground and abort it."

"College of Literature Science and the Arts" I don't know what Literature Science is but it sounds fun.

False. You will go to jail for 30 days and be allowed to own guns again after a year or two.