Not enough stars in the universe to give you, so here’s a single.

Ted Cruz: Duck Hunt is, at least, phonetically accurate.

I was once in the window seat of a row of three. There was a gentleman in the aisle seat. As the boarding process ended, it became clear that the middle seat was to remain blissfully empty and I felt immediate relief, until the gentleman picked himself up, scooted over, and started to lower his ass into the vacant…

one of the weirdest things about living in NYC is that every time you get a new job or a raise it just puts you in a position of trying to live somewhat decently.

You gotta track yer ute in Australia, mate!

WRC+ saves the stages and the daily summaries for on-demand viewing.

Ah I remember when I had this shirt!

And along that line, from The Incredibles:

I’m not.

I see a lot of weird signatures while doing my job with the Australian public pubic service.

Can we stop calling people in their early 60’s old? Maybe I’m senstive to it since my parents are around that age and don’t look or act old, but I just feel like old now means 75+. Late-middle age seems more accurate for anyone under 65, maybe even 70, since we live longer now.

[Today’s NASCAR season finale — the Ford EcoBoost 400 — hosted numerous celebrities today including three-time Formula One world champion Lewis Hamilton, country music star Tim McGraw, beloved IndyCar racer James Hinchcliffe, and (pictured here) presidential candidate Deez Nuts. Photo credit: Getty Images]

Right but Infiniti is a manufacturer giving the illusion that they have an F1 car. At least Red Bull actually built the car, so in that way youre wrong. It IS a red bull car.

It happens! Usually to me

The above concept, combined with this:

Not gonna happen! Koenig is paranoid that Kirk will bang Helena in the back of the Eagle on the return trip.

I made a fake Monroney to announce that my wife and I were expecting our first child: