Sir, this is a Wendy’s drive-thru.

Sounds like your kids are going to have some pretty bad sunburns.

Should have drank more water.

I can’t wait for Eli’s book to come out: “Success From Eating Paste: the Eli Story. 125 Paper Mache recipes!”

#TomBradyThinks Hurricane Harvey is the result of too many processed sugars.

Really though, I love that he recommends filtering ALL tap water but then recommends ADDING electrolytes to filtered water because it removes all the minerals from your water.
It’s like how I remove the bun from my burger to avoid carbs, but then put the patty between two KFC chicken breasts. It’s all give and take.

This feels like a Twitter thing that should happen. #TomBradyThinks

She is adorable - she made an old lady puppet flirt with Simon. And I enjoyed it and I have a cold shriveled heart that hates this shit and these shows.

She is amazing!

*ahem*

Probably my two favorite baseballers.

Breitbart headline that garners 100K views and 0 comments relating to a professional baseball game.

Big Little Lies does not need a direct sequel. Instead of making one, why not adapt another Moriarty novel with (most of) the same cast in new roles?

“My name spelled backwards is okenrub, because okenrub mah penis after I write these things.”

This seems like a good time to remind everyone that the Cleveland Indians blew a 3-1 lead.

News from next week
“Racist Fan receives Presidential Pardon”

As a musical lover, a counter point argument:

Revision:

10. Salt & Vinegar
11. Jalapeño