I am a public school teacher. I am sitting at my desk, which is in a classroom in a public school full of minorities and SpEd students, and I am weeping. I have about 9 minutes left on my lunch break, and I don’t know that I can pull it together in time. I am crushed, absolutely gutted. I am afraid for my students, I…

Jamie Lynn Spear’s ordeal is my WORST nightmare as a parent. The “watching your child in mortal peril but not being able to fix it” variety. I know we’re so quick to say “but she shouldn’t have allowed...” but honestly at the end of the day, peoplec said that shit about the poor parents who watched an alligator snatch…

If Jamie Dornan knew Beyoncé was pregnant and he didn’t tell Dakota Johnson then he cannot pretend they are friends.

Photoshopped. Look how un-shredded his clothing is.

Depends on the breeding. Tom seems more like a fancy dog good at flushing birds (3-0 in Super Bowls vs Bird Teams), herding sheep (1-0 vs the non-bird or cat animal teams) and taming cats (1-0 vs. Cat teams). He only has trouble with giants.

Do you know why I remain a Patriots fan Drew? Because of my father. I lived in Maine my entire childhood and teenage years. I remember the shit years, the years where Velcro on the gloves wouldn’t have helped the receivers make catches. For years we were the butts of the NFL. Then suddenly Mo Lewis knocks out Bledsoe…

Go fuck myself? *Jerks off to the Superbowl highlights* drew, shoulda thought that through more!

As a NHL fan first, the booing of Goodell was a mix of “Yes! and ‘You guys are stealing our bit. Booing Bettman when he hands out the Cup is our thing!”

My first Patriots game was 1998 when Scott Zolak somehow beat Steve Young and the 49ers (including a patented Jerry Rice long TD on a 15 yard slant) to clinch a…

And, just to recap:

Lost in my mixed feelings about the win (because my team has been co-opted by a despot and Nazis, and the three most important people associated with the team refuse to disown a terrible man because he was nice to them) is that the Falcons final drive in OT - with the sack and the holding penalty - capped one of the…

“I FEEL THIS WAY AND YOU ALL FEEL THIS WAY TOO” is the way at least half the Gizmodo sites’ writers frame all their subjective opinions.

Welcome to Trump’s America, where even the black guy who’s successful is White.

I don’t like Tom Brady, you don’t like Tom Brady.

“Brains are overrated”

Johnny Depp looks like a gigantic shrunken head (I know what I said).

I operated the scoreboard and music for the club hockey team at my college for a couple games. Usually there were two of us, but for one “playoff” game I was alone. I was also more interested in hilarious and offensive music breaks. So sometimes the clock didn’t stop or start when it was supposed to stop or start.…

“I may have to wear some kind of arm diaper under this thing”

You know, I sometimes wonder a bit about what your kids will think of your writing when they’re 18, 28, 38, etc. I think when they come across (or you point them to) the top of this jamboroo, you’re going to get a huge fucking hug. I think there’s something really powerful here.

I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I couldn’t give less of a shit about the Super Bowl. I’m going to watch. I’m going to watch every goddamn snap, and I’m going to root against the Patriots, but honestly...I don’t care who wins or what happens.

Amen.