Sweet Christ, he looks like several branches from the same family tree were pulped and reformed into a racist golem.

Close your mouth and be still. Adults are talking.

One move that appears to be real is “stir the pot” because goddamn did they ever. The pot, of course, is full of insecure, fearful manbaby puree.

There’s a bald eagle in your avatar, you fucking imbecile.

This is especially wild to read now that it’s 2019. Was hoping its popping back up was due to some sort of update, where parishioners en masse had been so blown away by the sonic blast of reality that it was T2: Judgement Day all over again.

the whole point of the automobile was to avoid being stuck behind some large, hairy, farting mammal.

Thank you for the recommendation, I’m half Chilean and have been wanting to take a trip there my whole life. My family fled during the Pinochet years :/

True, guinea pigs are, but omg are they worth it. Mine lived to be almost nine years old, and I miss him all the time. There may be a framed 8x11 professional photo collage of him hanging on my wall....

Holy shit I never knew how much I needed this.

Praise be unto you, kindred spirit.

You’re goddamn right it does! You’re goddamn right it does!

Oh my god I would eat the shit out of a fried chicken sandwich with fried pickles for bread. The thought alone requires Pepto and I’m here for it.

All you’ve done is prove savages exist: you.

It’s healthy and recommended to be able to identify yourself as unwilling to compromise: it will save both you and anyone you get intimate with a ton of time and grief — also money, if you let it go far enough.

First of all, a thousand points for your username.

I dieted only because it was 18 months between buying a consignment dress (could not be let out) and fitting it, and I’d gained 30 pounds thanks to starting a life-saving medication.

GOD WHAT THE FUCK.

Same for the A-Bomb museum in Hiroshima. I left that drained of mind, body, and soul, and that’s exactly how everyone should feel.

You would NEVER say that to Zeke the Plumber. You wouldn’t dare.

That, and shouting, “JOB OPENING!”