I’ve already blown it and married someone I love awful. Oh god!

Your face looks like it originated in two people having sex.

A Barbie with the eyes carved out that’s been left in the sun.

Oh my god I love this movie so much.

It’s clear you think that gives you a leg up on being awful, but okay. Same thing women have been doing to each other since ever. Thanks for being part of the problem, I guess?

Makes you wonder if there was anything else in his past that he didn’t want an investigation to stumble upon.

You’re comparing a guy clamoring into his coworker’s bed to you being in the bed you naturally share with your wife, a person you have an established intimate relationship with?

Repeat this until you lose your voice: The lack of consent does not mean consent is given.

Do you make a habit of kissing the neck and touching the body of someone you’re interested in without finding out first if they’re even interested in any of that? Or do you just do what you want and put the onus on them to tell you to stop? Do you also enter the bedrooms where a person is in bed and just climb on in…

Also, you’re going to cite Willie Brown and treat his take as gospel? The turgid, grinning ego of bygone SF? Eugh.

Ha. My great-uncle grew up in a household where a family member was harshly criticized for using foul language around men after saying someone was pregnant.

Let’s admit it: it would be way funnier if they all said “shmashmorshun” or “baborshun” instead.

your gunk is not special and never will be.

As an expert, I can confidently declare it is because they are afraid of death.

This looks like my house! Yaaaay

She probably supports ‘the rule of law’ as well, because obviously.

Does marinara count? Because I did this last night with mozzarella sticks and it was the shit. I kept them in separate containers, but double dipping happened and I regret NOTHING.

facial tissue damage

Kirsten Dunst undercover for a role, obviously.

Police would only say they smelled “a strong odor commonly associated with the consumption of an alcoholic beverage emitting from her person and/or breath.”