I see Shrayber's influence is spreading. I thought only he could write "Tingling Peppermint Vagina." But I was wrong.

...with the faintest whispers of mint gum still tingling on my labia...

"SHE WILL ATTRACT BEARS." That pretty much nails the absurd fear behind the shame we attach to being on our periods, doesn't it?

EXACTLY LIKE KARLIE KLOSS. The morph is complete.

MY MONEY! IT IS FLYING OUT OF MY WALLET!

Your family?

This hits close to home...

"Better after there is completely damning evidence released that will destroy our brand than never."

The only thing worse than leaving shits around campus would be leaving beer shits around campus... Or baby poop. Baby poop and beer shits are the worst.

Develop a strong allegiance to a European soccer team.

That's a little vague. Did we learn nothing from Occupy Wall Street? Also, can I still play Fantasy Football if I don't watch the games and don't play using the NFL version, but the Yahoo! version? Am I still a hypocrite?

A lot of fair points here and I find myself conflicted and, probably, a hypocrite (we'll see how I do tonight). My only issue with what you're saying is I don't hear a specific cry for what needs to change.

OH SHIT IT'S ME.

Apply to Jezebel.

I'm sorry, but I have to wholeheartedly disagree with this article. I am supposed to stop supporting a team I grew up loving because the asshole higher ups made and a completely terrible decision? I have to choose between being a feminist and supporting a team whose fan ship is huge part of my identity? Of course Ray…

uh, Erin, sometimes they wear pink gloves for breast cancer awareness so who's the REAL lady-hater, huh.

LIKE WE WOULDN'T FUCKING BUY IT ANYWAY.

WHAT?!?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO............! I was really looking forward to your review of the new caramel apple oreos! :(

Fine. I'll buy your book.