No, the way I learned it, you kill the kill guy immediately, get to fuck the fuck guy once (and then he dies/disappears?), and the marry guy YOU CAN'T TOUCH. So basically just your platonic life partner...

Pretty much, there is a time for being polite and there is a time for being 'game face' and assertive, but no one ever need confuse being assertive with just being an asshole. I've worked with people who have and haven't learned the difference.

I get it. I wonder if it's a field related thing? My office (gov non profit) is so concerned with tone and how words are being revived that the disregard the message. I pray for the day I can speak a clear direct sentence and not be berated for not including the flowery language. We miss deadlines over trivial stuff…

It seems like if you play your murderer/spouse cards right, you could get to fuck both your husband AND your murder victim. Resourcefulness.

THE BOOK IS NOT EVEN THAT DIRTY.

Yes. This. I've always wondered this about this game. Don't I get to fuck the one I marry? For a little while at least, until the marriage becomes a barren joyless sexless desert?

Haha yes, totally. Or using WE to tell me to do something. Is it seriously that scary to ask me to do something? If it is maybe you shouldn't be in management.

And if you waste time couching your words or beating around about it, then people tend not to take your directives seriously.

Interesting. I, too, would rather finish things than not, but I don't see how that has anything to do with politeness.

I also feel the need to point out that for a "So You Didn't Have To," pretty effing light on the deets!

I concur. I haven't been in a workplace yet, but I do group projects for school. Sometimes I'm designated "leader." Frankly, getting a group of 18 t0 20-year-old visual art students to complete a project about literature is like herding cats.

I prefer to think of it as having a healthy sense of tact. It doesn't mean you're not being direct or getting things done. One of my assets in the workplace is that I take care of business while also treating people with kindness and respect. That language is second nature to me because that's genuinely my…

I think the author is misconstruing what it means to be polite. At work, for example. "James, it's very important that we meet the deadline for this project. As we discussed, I will need you to finish the mock-ups by 5 today". Done. That's pretty assertive. Pretty polite. Polite doesn't mean beating around the bush.…

Here's the thing, though: it is perfectly possible to be both direct and polite. It is a skill, however, and one that many people lack. That does not mean that it is an unattainable or un-worthwhile goal, however.

The bosses I appreciate are the ones who communicate clearly but not brutally. They will ask me to do something, but make it clear when they want it done "So you'll have this back to me before 5, right?" just seems so much kinder than "I had better have this back by 5," and it takes about the same amount of time to…

It is entirely possible to be assertive & polite at the same time. You don't have to act like an ass hole to assert yourself.

I think you're forgetting an important aspect here: how sometimes 'proper etiquette' is used as an indicator of social class.

My underwear does get dirty, but it's (hopefully) not full of solid/liquid waste by the end of the day.

Having blown my nose into something, my only goal is to find a bigger receptacle to discard my phlegm and snot. I love the planet, and use toilet paper that could double as sand paper as part of my commitment to Mother Earth, but I draw the line at storing the bodily fluids my body forcibly evicted.

I snot way too much for them to be useful for me.