Good info...for a friend.

This reminds me of a guy in college who told me the most lifelike pussy masturbation aid was warmed liver wrapped in carpet.

As a penis haver, if I’m in the shower and need a quick testicular release, that bar of soap is far too complicated. Instead I reach for conditioner and proceed to rough up the suspect. Conditioner stays slick and it makes my penis smell nice afterward, and my wife won’t ask why there’s a fucking hole in a goddamned…

Back in my day, real men claimed to be playing squash while they were actually slamming their mistresses

When i was just an innocent 12 year old mormon kid, my neighbor friends asked me if i had ever masturbated before, i said no not knowing what it was.

They explained that i just needed to get some soap for lubrication and rub my dick.

What they didn’t emphasize was they were talking about liquid soap or lotion. So that…

She’s b-l-a-c-k.

To this entire family:

What is crazy to me is the number of conservatives lashing out on twitter about how much of a class act Melania is and how Michelle Obama has no class. I seriously can’t even process how anyone can see FLOTUS as not being a class act, regardless of politics. 

she isn’t paying attention. she is fulfilling her bare minimum obligation being married to this man.

I just...I don’t know. Does she simply not understand the english language? Is that it? Does she just not comprehend what she’s saying? Or is she so tired that the words aren’t even registering in her brain, she’s simply reading shit aloud and not paying attention? I also heard her say today that over the years Donald…

Thoughts on Maddox, from one who’s been there.

I guess nobody who works at celebrity magazines has ever gotten gas before? They really don’t seem to understand normal post large meal bloating.

Taylor is pregnant with large dinner.

In the spirit of pre-election James Comey / FBI Twitter feed:

No, just Pandora’s Mouth at this stage. The Box is phase II.

Yes, I am wondering how much this teen’s dad is responsible for her thinking this mess is in any way caused by her “frailty”.

Look, I am voting for Clinton, of course, because I am a sane, sentient being, but there is a judgment issue at play here.

The teen’s father told Buzzfeed he’d voted early for Clinton but regretted it, adding, “With the recent developments with my daughter, I can say that I would likely not have voted for either of these clowns if I had it to do over again.”

SEE