If you are gonna be braising meat in wine to make a ragu, I have only one thing to say to you: pork cheeks. The resultant ragu will be a: fucking amazing and b: if you are the right sort of person, used as the filling for arancini, which, for those who have never experienced them yet, are your new favourite food.

Oh, you will, you will. Only it'll be permanently dark, they'll be on the floor, and you'll have NO SHOES...

It's just 'lego'. Or 'lego bricks'. One day, when I am rightfully crowned King Of The World, you'll go to jail for this, so bear it in mind...

Such a shame it's been messed about, these are such sharp-looking cars. And of course it's for sale in Palm Springs. Where else?

Man, doctors get all the perks...

Or the couple who were jailed for weeks while the cops desperately tried to prove a brick of soap was coke...

Well, quite. You could buy a used car with no knowledge of a hidden compartment. Or, indeed of one with drugs in it - a friend of mine's dad had a fare leave two keys of smack in the boot of his taxi. True story.

An ex-girlfriend bought a used SAAB 9000. Oh, we had fun figuring all that shit out. Lovely car, though (lovely girl, for that matter).

Make a great T-shirt graphic, that.

See, that's not a button, there's a gradient there. It actually controls spam levels.

Oh, god, fucking all of them. That's why I like old cars; there's two turny wheels, an engine, a gearbox, some pushy-along wheels, and a place to sit with some minimal controls. If I wanted that many goddamn buttons, I'd learn to fly.

The usual answer to the question 'should the LAPD have shot (X)?' appears to be, 'probably not'.

I know it's stupid, but I like it. which probably means I'm stupid, but I don't care. I'd rattle-can it black & put slot-mags on it.

Nope. That's a real hill, alright.

That looks like it was made whilst huffing some particularly toxic glue, if I may make so bold.

'Rubs strong?' Sold!

Because this is Jalopnik, not a consumer review website. Deciding which dull commuter-mobile will take the longest to break isn't fun. Arguing the toss about silly cars, poking fun at others' half-assed projects and occasionally coming across demented automobile gems that by rights shouldn't exist? Fun.

So endeth all reciprocating things...

LMGTFY is awesome.

Have you any idea how far I have to stretch to reach the damn keyboard? Yeesh.