After Musk is imprisoned for contempt of the SEC and manipulating stock prices, and Trump is imprisoned for... all the crimes, they can share a cell. The pitch:

Odd, I usually measure in leagues per barrel, and at about 450, I’m doing pretty well.

All I know is my car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that’s the way I likes it

They should have just used the universal unit of torques, the Nurple. Then it’d be easy to explain.

It’s a Jaguar, just check the local repair shops.

Prediction: Someone is going to steal a car from the show because the security companies probably have a geo-fence around their cars. With the alarms consistently going off, they will shut down the geo-fencing alarm and someone will take a car.

the solution to keep payments down is simple...get a cheaper car.

I can see that tech making wonders to camera lenses, a front element welded to the chassis would make it virtually impenetrable to dust and moisture

They would have to figure out how to weld glass to rust :-P 

This means that David Tracy could repair the rusted out frame on his postal Jeep using glass!!!!

I think they misunderstood how nickel based battery technology works

Hey, that’s the bathroom window of my old apartment in Red Hook!

how ironic, “18 Million Zambonis” is the name of my metal band.

Good thing it wasn’t a Lotus 7.

All tweets are bad, and everyone who tweets should be held in contempt.

Consumer Reports offices are full of reliability surveys that say, “I’ll have the soup. Why is there no soup on this menu?”

A Jag will never strand you on a highway... they just won’t start in your driveway.

Sure. We’ll pick you up in the Jetta!

I think it would be interesting to see people’s reactions if cars today had the reliability standards of thirty or forty years ago. Muffler replacement after 20k miles. Engine life of 100k. Tune-ups and carburetor calibration. We have come a long way, even for the least-reliable vehicles for sale today.

Wait, hold up. Those Chevy commercials told me they won the JD Power Most Reliable award. You mean to tell me those awards are worthless? What about those normal people and their important opinions?