Yup. Dumbass college kids with no concept of short battles vs. long wars just traded their “Bernie 2016" avatars for rose emojis and are set to play spoiler one more time.

Yup. “Staying together/forgiving your partner’s crimes for the kids” is just a recipe for kids who grow up weird because they were born in soil poisoned with the tension and anger that you totally were putting out there even though you swear you totally weren’t.

Yup. Donald’s being ravaged by dementia and that explains his stupidity. Ivanka’s not senile or demented, but she’s not much smarter and doesn’t possess all that much more social grace.

Somehow, it seems less creepy and more... what’s the word... it’s a word he loves... SAD!

35% of those surveyed. Get yourself some statistics classes, my dude.

Oh, damn. Racism is back. And I thought we agreed we beat it after we got that other white guy to leave that other movie. Damn.

Speak for yourself. I’ll eat chili in a sauna.

Ryan Leaf is HUNGRY AND READY for a second chance!

Because LOLJETS.

Another conflict in which the only justifiable rooting interest is for a meteor to vaporize all involved parties.

I mean, I love seltzer, but I can buy that shit down here in Jersey.

I’m sure that there are a ton of frat bros and sorority sisters who never stick toilet plunger handles into other people’s bodies (unless everyone involved is super into that) and do a ton of great stuff for the community and whatnot and it sucks that they get painted with the same broad brush, but it is what it is.…

Albert, I live in a home about 5 minutes from the beach. It’s definitely big enough for kids (we have one). I’ve seen the photos of your wilderness cabin that you posted. Anytime you wanna switch, you slide into my DMs and we’ll bang out the paperwork post-haste.

“Manhattan...”

I have year-round allergies, dark mornings make sleeping in a lot easier and I dunno what to tell you about the freezing rain. Move away from the tundra?

Abolish the Greek system.

You can make and eat chili any time of year, you know.

Amendment: Winter means shitty weather, which means having to clean up the driveway and steps, BUT ALSO provides you reasons not to do things (“aw, damn. I know I was gonna go with you to the movies/drive you to band practice/come over and help organize your dildo collection, but the roads are looking bad, man...”).

Perhaps you should spend some time researching the best way to clean the shit off your takes.

This is the only correct beach take. I’ve lived within walking distance of the beach my entire life. It sucks. All of it. I’ve visited beaches all along the eastern seaboard and they all suck, too.