1. Check ripeness. Avocado is not ready for consumption until skin is brown and fruit is slightly soft to the touch.

Yup. That’s what weak cowards do. Run.

As someone who doesn’t really care about America one way or the other, get out.

Next week, James Comey is found dead in a Washington DC hotel room, shot in the back of the head with his hands tied behind his back. It’s ruled a suicide. Damnedest thing.

Bill Belichick breathes a sigh of relief, then grumbles at a lackey to continue working on the resurrection machine in the secret lab under the Patriots practice facility.

Smart people are smart enough to know when they’re in over their head and should remain quiet.

That’s correct.

Nope. I was just expressing it in case the author was under false impressions.

I wasn’t aware we were only one more “OMG SO SAD” post away from changing the past and stopping this from having happened. Oops! My bad!

Oh, wait. Let me try this your way.

Latinx is not a word. Thank you.

Abolish all frats and sororities.

What’s funny is that Bedminster is considered a “cooler” place. I know Washington’s a swamp and so is Florida, but NJ is humid and hot as balls in the summer.

It’ll help them not get potentially fatal diseases, yes. FANTASTIC attempt at race baiting, though. 8/10. Now shut the fuck up.

You’re right. This is the 21st century.

I love you.

Pssst.... that’s always been OK.

If you refuse to vaccinate your children, it should count as child abuse and justify removal from the home.

You have an awful lot of faith in a party so bad at messaging that they could convince a drowning man not to take a life preserver.

I said it might.