“You remember when I told Judas to go snitch on me? I just wanted to get all the way the fuck outta here after seeing where you assholes are headed."

I’m looking up ad rates for Fox News DC to see if I can buy an ad for Saul Goodman during Tucker Carlson.

Fine, I’ll mail you a big-ass catapult. Just remember to put the little parachutes on the package and set it to deploy at 4,000 feet.

To be fair, "Wait we almost bombed Iran?" has always been a valid statement pretty much continuously since 1987.

Ahem: "tucking in his shirt"

I figured it was short for Forty McFortface, but there may not have been a lot of Scots with that settler crowd.

I think if Biden goes back channels and verbally tells trump he’ll get the loans forgiven somehow, trump might step down. Then Biden can just shrug and let the creditors come for their boy.

I’m guessing that had Hakeem Jeffries showed up with a George Floyd mask they’d be calling him George all day too.

Cancel Culture is one of those phrases people throw out like they’re reacting to mommy trying to get them to eat their veggies.

Ass/Cash/Grass

US: the 2000 elections seemed like a giant shitshow at the time, but it laid the groundwork for 9/11, Afghanistan, Iraq, abandoned vets, the banking crisis, opioids, some truly batshit Supreme Court Justices, and eventually Trump.

Can we just mail them a bunch of socks and bar soaps?

Good people can fuck up, and probably still remain mostly good. Or he could have had a blind spot when it comes to certain things.

When I applied for work at Goldman Sachs the recruiter from Blackstone countered the perk package with a 3-year dick-out schedule, a little bit better than Sachs that didn't even offer access to the porno fileshare.

Wait til you hear about this insanely deadly substance when two hydrogens synthesizes with one oxygen. Fucking diabolical, that wet shit.

I feel my arteries throbbing just reading that recipe. I WANT TO DIVE INTO A SWIMMING POOL OF THIS STUFF

You must remember the most important part: I am also a moron.

Yeah, that’s how morons do when they think they’re being slick.

I think you should have this kind of post under a different tag: OH FUCK OFF, INTERNET.

Can the Democrats sue every single state that Trump won as well as have a Republican running the state’s election commission? Just paper that bitch. Sue the GSA, sue the Senate, sue Mitch personally, sue Don Jr. for libel and for slander, and fuck it sue Ivanka for impersonating a human being while we’re at it.