I keep reading it as ONAN, which seems appropriate here.

I deal with policies for our public-facing coworkers and one of the offshoots of this kind of social media “ban” is that the employees (teachers, in this case) still receive communication. If some asshole students or parents doxx them or spam their feeds (like racist comments in this case), the school needs to have…

White asshole “criminology” professor bingo:

So definitely the type of people Hannibal Lecter would convert to food, and later poop.

A guy at work decided he NEEDED to golf this weekend. I told my manager he better need it enough to eat some unpaid leave.

Lester Holt: “...so he committed suicide?”

Is there like a secret white bro name generator somewhere that spits out these names in all the maternity wards south of the Mason-Dixon Line?

There is literally no scenario where Trump looks good. The dial goes from “moronically incompetent” to “treasonous” with a giant band of “both” between them.

I wonder if someone yelled BOO real loud at the couple in that St. Louis video, wouldn’t the way he’s holding that gun mean that he’d just flinch and blow his wife’s head off?

“I check with Obama for leadership. I'll let you know if I need advice on making casinos go broke."

Hey, at least it gave me this delightful line from a review blog: “He dove dick-first into her pussy. That’s his idea of gently taking her virginity.”

Narrator: “They were already in Warsaw. Massiso is a moron and is also bad at satisfying his sexual partner.”

He will IMMEDIATELY accuse you of being prejudiced against disabled people.

Alright just the bite mark and bloody leg thing should be enough to freak people the fuck out, but a kid with open wounds sliding through toddler diarrhea? How did this not end up in some kind of 20/20 murder feud?

^ honestly can’t tell if joking, because I’ve seen serious Facebook comments that say exactly this before

I fully expect Tom Cotton to legally change his name to Cottonpickin’ any minute now, specifically so he can say it whenever he wants and claim “it’s my name”.

I agree. It feels like the writer got to the end of the CGI-palioza climax and was told to "give it dramatic heft - the Shakespearean shit".

Watching Batman in the theater opening weekend had a fairly specific buzz to it: nobody was entirely sure what was going to happen next for most of the movie, then everyone was disappointed that it devolved into a fistfight.

“Have you tried not being shitty to people?" has always been a surefire way to stop one of those cancel culture rants.

Oh the parties on that day might rival V-day.