How about we build a wall around that fucking shirt?

Is one of her children Piers Morgan or something?

Narrator: “We all know.”

Today I donated half my mask and glove stash to a family that lost two people to Covid-19 and have five people in the hospital because they caught it at the funeral.

Oh my god. Do these fucksticks have an instruction video for defending against assault by a person wielding a banana as well?

Fuck me, these people saw that dumbass Jack Ryan show on Amazon and thought this would be easy if fuckin' Bunk Moreland and Jim Halpert can storm the presidential palace, didn't they?

Little known fact: Jesus wore Oakleys to the Crucifixion, for no Son of God shall be caught looking like a beta cuck.

I guess places of business, including the Ohio state house, can and should put a “no face covering, no entry” policy in place. After all, these places of business (people’s business, God’s business, private business, etc.) can exercise their own freedoms, right?

As someone who had had to navigate a 4-layer ring of idling Ubers around MSG, closing streets around Central Park, MSG/Penn/42nd and Times Square, and Union Square, and parts of Chinatown, will all actually result in a much more pleasant NYC experience.

I figured a nine iron was going to make an appearance in this story, but the truth works way better.

Expanded chin.

50/50 chance he tries to finger Jesus's butthole.

Joke’s on you, 70% of them don’t have necks. 

Walks towards store while Officer Battery is doing his battering: “MOVE THE FUCK BACK”

[Puts away tabletop lathe and 3-pound stick of radish]

Confession time: I am not, in fact, from Antioch.  

I doubt we get back both the Senate and Presidency this year. In the best case Democrats get 50+ seats, you will need to rely on four things to get shit done: a. Schumer has the balls to blow up the filibuster, b. WVa’s Senator Manchin doesn’t flip to save his seat, c. “Independent” Bernie Sanders doesn’t try to be a…

Ok, I got confused for a second because I figured you were responding to another comment I made about a masturbating koala.

Good god, broccoli?!?

I see your knowledge of Karens, Chads, Megyns, and Claytons has a bit of a blindspot: