Took me a second, but “Photo by: Shutterstock” made me howl at my desk.

“You sound like the white politicians talking to black people for the first time."

Actual assholes are useful, and have very important biological functions to all, and pleasure functions to many.

The preserved head of Richard Milhouse Nixon says: "ARROOOOO"

Shortest explanation: Simon has empathy for every character in his work as human beings, so he takes care to try to see things through their eyes.

Weed.

Shouldn’t there be at least one picture of a rich dude drinking straight from the bottle and pissing on the back of an office worker?

For those of us who wish one of these fuckfaces to get what’s coming to them, please remember:

We already know his daughter won’t catch it from him.

This would make a delightful addition to the Lego Batman song:

I remember all the bullshit swirling around Silverstone's weight, which was gross even for horny straight teenager me.

Can someone bring a soliciting a minor charge against the principal?

One of my surprising common quotes IRL is from Sean O’Neal, formerly of this site, whenever I point out to my conversation partner that the cabinet where I keep my fucks is empty, just like Harrison Ford’s.

Sure looks like Bernie is about to catch that “electability” virus that his crew had unleashed upon Warren.

I’ve had those calls before where it just keeps going the fuck on and on and on and fuck me now I have to pee like there’s no tomorrow. That’s when I put the handset on mute mike + speaker and leave it in my pants pocket.

I'm sorry I forgot to clarify: it was on VHS. 

I walked in on my 68-year-old college advisor jerking off to grainy Middle Eastern porn once.

This from a franchise that doesn’t want to salt its pasta water?

The first woman American president is going to be Serena Joy, isn’t she?

Lucas conceived of the whole universe as “for children” from the start, so anything below the belt (except getting cut in half by a lightsaber) has always been by implication.