WTH? The Trump children are all Fredos and none of them are Italian.

You know how many iterations of Kayleigh these poor folks had to go through to make sure the same preschool didn't have identically spelled Kaylees?

(Overheard at an office party in Dunwoody, GA)

Hey that 19000 abortions allowed a bunch of Kaighleys to 'experiment' without needing to mysteriously disappear up north for a couple months, only for it to be demystified later when Kaighley's dad goes on a drunken rant about race mixing.

Yes.

But you’d be giving the racist money though.

I think that was surprisingly (accidentally?) astute: Racists get defeated when people actually take action against racists. 

I think that's a function of some of the campaign mailers and websites soliciting repeating donations. I've gotten symbolic $9.11 requests from Giuliani back in 2007, for example.

Was there a passage where she admits he wasn't the father and she's staying mainly for health insurance? Cause that's what it sounds like.

So what you're saying is that we should definitely add a Trump carving and invite him to the unveiling....right under the bid crack in the stone?

Over/under on the times he yelled loudly to his drinking buddies, ”Hold me back so don’t kick this dude’s ass!” is the number of Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays since his 16th birthday.

Can any of the presidential candidates remind Moscow Mitch that he should suck it up, rub some dirt on it, and go back to work like a real man, because he only got an ouchie as opposed to A FUCKING ASSAULT RIFLE ROUND TO THE GODDAMN FACE

Counterpoint: nobody fuck NdT.

That Lohan piece reminds me of Homeland season one (the one good season) where there was an...er...audition for a Middle Eastern Prince’s White Girls Collection.

This being HBO, they’ll jump at the bit to keep the HBO CEO of Tits busy after Game of Thrones ended.

Hillbillahz, if you will.

Ivanka should roll over and tell her daddy that shit.

This is just a function of how dumb he is: Putin spent extra time drilling this shit into his head and it didn’t take.

Very.

These are some soft-centered knockoff jellybean asses right here. The only punch you worry about is being the guy who throws the last one.