Only thing missing is a fatality.

I hate to make video game references when dealing with real life, but this SCREAMS COD: Black Ops II. I don't know whether I should be thrilled that the Navy is adapting or worried that computers and automation like this may be widely available to the bad guys soon.

+1, because you pissed off a Cardinals fan.

The fact that he has expectations for the Jets may be the first problem. Other than that whole Suzy Kolber business.

On one hand, that would be awesome to put on a small car to scare other people. On the other, that exhaust must weigh 2-3 times more than the average exhaust.

Who picked the 90 minutes part? That seems a tad arbitrary. Also, there may be an easy way to get around this: conduct the interviews outside of the stadium. Then they can unleash the musical Beats all they want! (Physical beatings, on the other hand...)

Who the hell cleared him? Stevie Wonder?

This may be stretching it a bit but....

Honestly, what's not to love?

Nope, in many parts of the country (like, every place except Tuscaloosa) you'd be regarded as a decent person.

She killed that beer like a champ. Seriously, I am really, really impressed.

The headline should be, "Nebraska lineman gets a first-hand lesson on gravity."

The only part of this absurdity that perhaps makes it less exciting than it could have been is that one seems able to safely assume that if the chainsaws were stolen merchandise, they probably weren't spinning at the time they were thrown.

It makes them feel fancy and all that highfalutin' such. Or the college kids put in the Franzia box wine.

that's not a pimp-cup; the official term is a "redneck wine glass." Though, admittedly, it is pimpin'.

Even Strickland's going, "Damn." Along with some other choice words.

The Fresh Prince of ESPN?

Trout's reaction says it all.

The wrath of a nation... in depleted uranium format. Lovely article, by the way.

Tracts of Land, Anyone?