You shut your whore mouth.

That’s what I tell to my unicorn everyday because he gets so scared.

Does this dinner also come with a time machine trip to when Leo was still hot, tho.

I feel like the fact that these men are renting limos and giving their reproductive choices fun party names puts them in an income bracket where finding a doctor to do this is easy. Even Planned Parenthood refused to consider my boyfriend’s quest for a vasectomy until his hit 30. And that’s liberal NYC PP, not rural…

In California, at least 25 years ago, there was a waiting period before the procedure could be performed - a day or two.

Trump failed at casinos, football, steaks, and alcohol...in America.

This fucking blows my mind.

Or refused them for being, uh, drunk.

Men do tend to get child shamed if you don’t have any and want a vasectomy. Like the urologist will specifically ask and if you are below I want to say mid thirties you have to sign off on holding them not liable.

This is, of course, anecdotal, but I know one guy whose doctor would not give him a vasectomy when he asked. I don’t remember whether the guy found another doctor or just kept requesting the procedure, but he eventually got the vasectomy he wanted. (This guy was in his 30s and didn’t have any kids.) This was in the…

Great. This is totally great.

That’s interesting, because when the Indians come to town, I wonder why my kids (who are of American Indian ancestry) have to be subjected to a team wearing racist caricature on their hats all game.

Racism? At an Indians game?

As a deft, experienced driver, I would advise they keep their hands at 10 and 2 in future races.

I used to be an ER nurse at the hospital where most of these kids are transported. This has been going on for years. The day that the summer concert schedules come out, nurses race to put in vacation time for certain shows, OR they race to sign up to work certain shifts. Dave Matthews shows were the most infamous. I…

Her name is Lemon Pepper, obvs.

I need you to tell this to my wife. Please, it’ll get me out of some trouble. Honestly, I have no idea why she won’t believe me. People misdial the same number all the time. Sometimes it even happens 2, 3, 5 or in my case 131 times.

We call that a Motown special.

Any time you dial a Detroit area code there’s a 50/50 chance you’ll get either a hooker or a Little Caesers Pizza. Sometimes both.

Um, I had multiple six packs during my wife’s pregnancy, so I’m not sure what the big deal is.