As a reader, it was the details that allowed me to connect to Grace’s story so viscerally. It reminded me of my own stories and friends’ stories that were all too similar (though in some cases much scarier). I’m not sure I would have felt those same emotions had the story been sanitized of detail.

But it’s not romantic to ask (/s)

Exactly. #Did She Say Yes

They don’t want to listen because they just want ass. And because so many men are allowed to be selfish assholes (just look at everyone calling this a bad date), they “forget” that if you listen to the person you want to have sex with not only are you more likely to have sex but great sex because she wasn’t coerced…

I think one of the things that is so disappointing about all the reactions that we can certainly stand against Weinstein but not Ansari or Louis CK is that all the research on violence (of any kind) suggests that you either shut it down at the microagression level, or you allow the Weinsteins. There is no preventing…

She’s admonished for assuming he’s a mind reader when he, himself, thinks he’s enough of a mind reader to know she wants his fingers jammed down her throat. I guess...

I know right!? I’ve been recanting the summary of this entire thing to my girlfriend over the three day weekend. She used to date men. And she’s essentially told me that this is what it is like. And that it took her years to realize it wasn’t ok, AND THAT MEN LIE ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO READ NON VERBAL COMMUNICATION.…

Exactly, the normalcy of this story was the most depressing part to me. I immediately dismissed her claims of sexual assault like “oh girl, this is just dating in your 20s, get used to it.” And then I realized how sad that was. I think we have a generation of men who grew up inundated with hardcore porn and…

thank you. The dismissal of this because it’s just not some violent, forceful rape has been mind-blowing to see.

damn straight women have such such low standards.

Thank you. That piece sparked more discussion among my social group than anything Jezebel has written on the topic. My first reaction was to resist Grace’s claim of sexual assault, which made me feel internally conflicted. But after sitting with my discomfort, I realized my initial reaction was due to Ansari’s…

i’ve never really liked aziz and could never explain why. i just never got his humor or found him that funny. or amusing. or entertaining in the slightest.

Agree. This is a guy who literally wrote the book on things like body language and dating in the modern world and is a feminist who respects women and yet “misinterpreted” a woman’s feelings and literal words coming out of her damn mouth to the point that she felt coerced and traumatized.

I too, am disappointed. The Aziz Ansari case is a great opportunity to discuss the commonplace and insidious consequences when both men and women are not taught properly about consent. Men are taught to accept everything except an outright “No” as an invitation to continue. And even an outright “No” means “Not right…

I read the original piece in an abject kind of horror at what straight women have to deal with. And yet some say this is a “bad date.” Like what the fuck?

Because stories like this used to be their thing. They didn’t have to wait for a celeb to be accused of sexual coersion to publish opinion pieces on the need for affirmative consent. They just did, because it was - and ostensibly is still - their brand.

Yeah, agreed. I think the details weren’t beyond the point - they were part of the point and helped for us to put ourselves in her shoes. She was excited about going on the date and trying on a cute dress - she wasn’t trying to set up a storyline to sell to a paper.

Do you know who does stuff like this? Who ignores communication from their partner, going ahead with whatever they want to do sexually, while always making sure to stay on the legal side of things? PREDATORS. It is not the men who care deeply about making sure their partners want to be there and are comfortable but…

It is so real — I was immediately talking about the situation, the coercion, consent etc. on a group text with three of my best friends because it struck such a chord. I’m hoping for more follow-up and discussions.