Everything about this story makes me livid, starting with their wanting to separate a family because "Marsha and I always planned to have five children". These abominations would split up traumatized siblings because it didn't conveniently fit in to their plans. That should have absolutely been a red flag right from…

"Marsha and I always planned to have five children..."

Dear State of Arkansas: file child abuse charges against these scumbags posthaste, because isolating a child for hours on end IS abuse.

I don't understand how "rehoming" doesn't constitute abandoning your child. Can you legally "rehome" your biological kids as well just by handing them over to some stranger?

Mmmm, I like watching you sleep. And 365 days from now, I'm going to murder you and and eat your kidneys for dinner. It will be fun, I promise.

How to make a proposal all about you 101

I'm pretty sure the Knot's business plan is to become the ultimate proxy for The Awful Mother Who Gives So Much Advice. It is the standard-bearer for Traditional American Femininity, the kind that wears shoes that she finds unbearably painful, the one that invites a ton of people to the wedding that she doesn't like…

Cuuuutteee.

This is me every time Mark writes an article

My favorite thing about arranging my wedding was when I was at the venue and looking at the menu, when I told the (straight) guy who runs it that this was for a same-sex wedding, his was response was, "That's great! We love hosting weddings." I probably would have have walked if he made a 'gay wedding' comment.

This is awesome

My wife and I went to one of these shows. Unsurprisingly, they were SO heteronormative (really, we expected nothing less). Everyone assumed we were "friends looking together!" or "getting married on the same day to men!" It was exhausting. We never went back to another one of those.

This is spectacular and just what I needed because it makes sitting-in-my-office-hell seem just that little bit better. Also, every time I drive through a craphole town and see a billboard for a wedding expo I think I'm going to set my next dystopian novel at a wedding expo.

Not a disaster story, but a tip for any of you who might be mailing out invitations at some point: Assign each household a number and put it on the back of the RSVP card. Some people don't remember to put their own names on the card, or the names are illegible. It also gives you a simple way to sort them so you can…

But surely they could have achieved the same "very specific look" without tight lacing their star to within an inch of her life? The costumes would still be beautiful, the fanciful mood would be preserved, she would just have a 24 inch waist instead of a 20" one— am I to understand that that would somehow destroy the…

Right? She had soup. For one meal. While filming. Not understanding what the big deal is.

I knew it. See, ladies! You don't have to be photoshopped to have a disproportionately sized waist! You can just wear a corset at all times and only eat soup. Sounds grand.

Husband: Um, can I tell people that our love burned too bright and too quickly? Kind of a Candle in the Wind deal?

My fantastic friends helped me make approximately 80 burlap-wrapped invitations. They all came out wonderful and no one fought.

The invitations to my November 2001 wedding were mailed on September 10, 2001. The wedding venue? Windows on the World.