Boxer briefs, though. I mean damn.

And you people wonder why I don't wear pants.

That would actually be kind of brilliant, now that you mention it. Ted just keeps telling his long-suffering kids the same stories, which they listen to because they love him and know he can't help forgetting that he's already told the stories before.

Oh dear god, no. That's so sad I almost teared up.

Ted and the kids are dead. Mom's the only one alive.

Also, quit talking about your sex life, especially when it involved someone so close to our family that I refer to her as Aunt Robin, Dad.

This is the worst thing I've seen all day. If I've watched nine years of this (most condensed on to DVD marathons) for her to be dead, I will not be able to cope.

Years ago I called Old Ted having early onset Alzheimer's, hence why him telling these stories to his kids is so important.

I visited Nairobi last October. Seeing stories like this make me angry, because the people I saw in Nairobi were kind, loving & generous. Obviously, there are whacks everywhere & plenty here in the US, but it just bums me out when stories like this come out of such an incredibly beautiful place & gives them a bad…

I was searching for the perfect God-Vagina gif, but all I got was porn. I offer this as my humble apology:

My skin crawled just reading this. Oh God.

Yeah I would check for The Lord's Webcams hidden underneath the pews before I sat down, lest Pornhub gets flooded with upskirt videos like "Kenya See Her Cooch?"

Just wait until they start menstruating all over the church floor. Then the no underwear rule will magically disappear.

The absolute BEST part of this job is reading the things you guys accidentally read in these posts/headlines and laughing my ass off at how insane I must sound. I want to collect them all in some epic post or a book or something. <3

omg I didn't see the "Aide" part and just about peed my pants...phew.

Bravo for not covering that up.

Moms are buying this for their daughters. That's the only thing I can think.

WHY IN THE FUCK does this lady think that any college-aged woman will want to read this shit? No seriously, I'm 22 and graduated university last May. I can't imagine any woman on my college campus reading this drivel for serious life advice. If you're in college and are a woman in this time and day, you're there…

She's divorced?

Dear Susan,
You're a relic of a bygone age dishing out advice to a generation you don't know or understand. Your book is an attempt to justify your life choices, even though your marriage didn't work out. (Shockingly.)