Thanks for one last Bear Friday. I was late to the Deadspin party, but over the last several years, really starting feeling the community - joining the banter, getting the jokes/references, etc. And now it’s over.

Counterpoint:  go fuck yourself.

I don’t know - the boys at Supercell have put together some nice games I’ve been able to waste a lot of hours on.....

All that public transport, and no one’s pushed that kid in front of a bus?  We’re lost as a nation.

I forgot to mention - don’t be in a hurry to get there. The only song they play is “FM (No Static At All)” on loop. Forever.

And that’s fair.

See, now I was ready to fight with you on that first hill. Your quote on Rush, though, now means my support is limited: after you vanquish Steely Dan Hill, I will be forced to throw your battered body into a volcano.

Forget about Bryce

This comment is far too un-loved. Is a ‘Penthouse Forum’ reference only funny to olds like me?

Obviously, you never anticipate something like that happening.

The first thing I want to say, because we all know this is going south like all [X] Jurassic Park movies: I want it stated for the record that I, TheUmpireStrikesBack, welcome our future mouse overlords. I hope they are as benevolent as they are adorable.

Speaking of old ads: as I recall, you’re a current/lifelong resident of the DMV, so imma throw out this line, and hopefully you’ll remember the tune and it will burrow into your brain .... like it’s doing to me right now.

the worst you can say about the Yankees is... they have a pretty expensive roster

You’re not wrong, but for 35, 40 years, I’d gotten TERRIBLY excited in early October, and then HORRIBLY crushed in April or May, thanks to the Caps.

As a longtime season ticket-holder for the Caps, I readily agree that the Mites thing is filed under Pretty Awesome. (Could use a little more hitting, though.)

It’s to the point where you could have stopped after the first sentence, and whatever pity/scorn you’re looking for in a day, would be dialed up and waiting.

Far be it from me to run counter to the “The [Washington Football Team]s are the worst people and team, ever” narrative - mostly because I’ve always hated this team. So I drink the delicious Schadenfreude Slurpee year after year.

I don’t know, Chris. I’m mid-50s, and I’m pretty sure MY old sayings didn’t put spleens and explosions in the same saying. Separate? Sure. But NEVER together.

Maybe if all the pearl-clutchers would get together and finally WRITE the fucking things down, we’d all be able to look at them, and see what actually would be considered a legit sportsmanship thing, and what’s a steaming pile of shit.  (Spoiler alert:  the latter group would be bigger.)

Buc-ee’s is everything, to everyone.