damn it! That was supposed to say "I'd go look in the pantry for an onion."

Mussolini just stole my heart <3 <3 <3 <3 NOW THATS HOW YOU MAKE A SCENE OKAY

WHAT IS THAT ABOUT? I work at a school, and I found a poop in the staff bathroom. Like, right *in front* of the toilet, on the floor. How does that happen?

The best poop stories come from our HR people at work. We have had several poop artists at our company— they leave little presents in the hallways, or just completely defile a bathroom. I just got a call about one a couple days ago— they were finding little trails of tiny escaped poops, and then just a totally f'd up…

We allow this and we have to allow everyone to hold their pussies in their yearbook photos. I'm thinking this isn't a good idea. Just saying.

My only fashion pet peeves when traveling are when people wear dirty clothes that smell bad or clothes that expose too much skin. Or MOST OF ALL, the garbage monsters who do not wear socks and take off their shoes for the entire flight. Unless you got a pedicure in the terminal while waiting for the flight, that's not…

If I have to sit on a seat built for a capuchin monkey, terrified to recline it lest I get stabbed, you bet I'm wearing sweats. I'd wear a toga if I had one.

Lafayette goes to work at Fangtasia. Show is basically Cheers, but with more evil awesomeness. Sookie dies in the pilot.

Welp.

I get really excited about female celebrities who don't have children. As a childfree-by-choice woman, I still feel like a freakshow. But when famous women speak out (love you Helen Mirren!), it helps to normalize that life option a little bit more to the masses.

My ex and I lay out naked under the full moon from time to time. We were both so, so blue.

I just hope this means that I can get face makeup that's pale enough for me. Right now my choices are between Bobbi Brown, or this Japanese brand called Koh Gen Do. I understand that this isn't nearly the problem that black women (and men, I suppose) face in getting makeup for themselves, but I do experience a lot…

She's not always the best actress, but I loved that Karen Gillian is a true Scottish ginger, pale skin and all

NOTHING should start before 10am, ever. School or work. Early mornings are for peasants.

Seconded. Dolly, can you hear us??

This shelter is right near me and I have a tuxedo cat (who is fixed) I really want another kitten and now that I know there are oodles of tuxies right near me I don't think I'll be able to resist.

During my time as a server, Ranch Abuse (that's a perfect term) caused me to develop a full-on phobia of the stuff. I once watched someone pour four or five ramekins of ranch on a perfectly good spaghetti dish and eat it. Inside my head, I was screaming so loudly.

My husband has never had a pet until I moved in with my cat (like, 5 weeks ago). She is a very friendly, dog-like cat, but she is still a cat. She wants to go outside, but she doesn't really dig a leash. Because she's a cat. We went away for 4 days and didn't have a petsitter; I felt she would be fine, but Husband…

I'd be perfectly happy if I never heard the term thigh-gap ever again.